Category Archives: Depression

Negativity Gets You Nowhere!

26 Sunday Jun 2016

Posted by in Cancer, Depression, Photography

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I’ve been down on myself the last few weeks. I thought being on vacation would snap me out of it but the whole time I was gone I kept thinking of the time lost that I would have when I returned back to work.  The exciting news that I got from my doctor while I was away seemed to have helped but now that I have my doubts about the results I just can’t help but feel down again.

The heat has a lot to do with it I feel because I wanted to do something with my kids today being that they were home and not working but everytime I went outside I was just drained from the heat and humidity.  Plus, with all this humidity, it makes it difficult for me to breath.  The next two days the rain chances has increased to 70% so maybe after the storms roll in here at least it will cool things off a bit.

This coming Thursday, June 29th, I will have been married for 25 years.  I have already made reservations for Saturday at a place called Perry’s Steakhouse.  It’s a bit pricey but my wife is worth it.  Putting up with me and all my ailments; she deserves more than a pricey steak and a night on the town.  She’s going to flip when she sees the prices on the menu though. But maybe the flowers that I have ordered that will be sitting on the table when we arrive will take away some of the shock.  We don’t usually go out on the town like this.  It’s usually places like Logan’s steakhouse where you pay $12 to $15 for a steak or go to Cracker Barrel.  Those places are more to our taste.  If I get out of Perry’s for less than $200 I’ll be lucky.

July 4th is coming up in a week and I have that day off which means a three day weekend.  If I can just make it through this week.  So you see, I have a couple of things to look forward too.  With this in mind maybe I can get out of this slump that I’m in and I can have a brighter outlook.  It’s going to take me some time for me to build up more vacation time but at least my doctor’s appointments are down to a minimum right now.  That’s another thing that has me upset is the fact that right now if I have a family emergency I can’t do anything about it.  I can’t take off right now if I had too.  Tomorrow, if I’m not wrong, I should have 10 hours built up.  That’s not much but it’s a start.

I hope everyone has a great week ahead.

 

 

I Lost it Today :(

17 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by in Cancer, Depression, Leukemia

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Today was not a good day for me.  I guess all the troubles in my life finally caught up with me.

For those just finding out about this blog, I have CML, a form of Leukemia.  I was diagnosed with it this past February.  I’ve been taking Gleevec and until last week I thought I was doing pretty good.  My BCR AbL started off at 138 and had gotten down to .134 three months ago.  My last report last week the test showed that it went up to over 2. It was a big disappointment.  I go back in six weeks.

Last week was the beginning of my trouble when my 17 yr old daughter was involved in an accident.  It seems that an 88 yr old man pulled out in front of her.  My daughter is fine with the exception of some back pain in which she is seeing a doctor about.  This was my wife’s 14 yr old van that was totaled by the insurance company.  We do not really have the funds to get another vehicle at this time especially since Christmas is just around the corner.  Just don’t know what to do at this point.

And to add to already what’s going on I’m having eye issues and I’m going to have eye surgery the first part of January.

This is the Christmas season and it’s supposed to be a happy time.  It usually is but the last few years it get’s harder and harder to get into the Christmas spirit.  With my health the way it is and not knowing what the future holds it’s easy for me to get depressed.  I’m the father of three and I’m supposed to be strong and not show emotions but I’m here to tell you that it’s difficult for me to hold it in.  Especially today.

It was while at lunch today.  We were listening to the company choir sing some Christmas songs when it hit me.  I was remembering the times when my kids were younger and times were much different.  I got to thinking just how much longer do I have?  I was doing ok until the choir started singing a song that I haven’t heard since my childhood and that’s when I started to loose it.  Not wanting to show my emotions in public I had to get up and leave the table.  It took be several hours to get my act together.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.