As I mentioned in my last post, the church I attend is large with a seating capacity of around 2,500 people. I’ve been going to church on and off my entire life, and before coming here about three years ago, the largest church I had ever attended had maybe 100 members.

I absolutely love this church. One of the things I enjoy most is that there is always something going on. Case in point: our Vacation Bible School was held a couple of weeks ago and drew more than 1,500 kids. This church simply doesn’t do anything small.

However, attending a church this large does have its challenges.

I call them “Church Etiquette.”

This post will undoubtedly spark some debate, and it may even convince some people that I’m petty. That’s okay. It’s my blog and my opinion.

As I mentioned in my previous post, Sunday was my pastor’s final sermon after serving our church for forty years. It was a bittersweet day for thousands of people. Unfortunately, I had a difficult time enjoying the sermon because of several distractions that could have easily been avoided if people simply knew how to behave during a church service.

Distraction #1: Not Showing Reverence

It is my opinion that once the service begins, people should be reverent and avoid carrying on conversations.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you want to say “Amen” when the pastor makes a good point, then by all means, let it fly. But discussing where you’re going to eat lunch afterward or making comments about how someone is dressed is completely different and uncalled for.

This was happening with a mother and her teenage son sitting directly in front of me. To make matters worse, because they couldn’t hear each other during the music, they simply talked louder.

And they did it throughout the entire service.

Maybe they don’t attend church very often. I don’t know. That’s just my opinion.

Distraction #2: Personal Space

What exactly is personal space, and how far does it extend?

According to Google, personal space is the invisible physical or psychological boundary surrounding an individual. People instinctively maintain this “bubble” because it helps them feel secure. When someone invades that space, it often creates discomfort.

I’m a firm believer that if someone wants to wear perfume or cologne, that’s entirely their business.

However, I draw the line when it invades my personal space.

If I can smell you from three to five feet away before I even see you, you’re probably wearing too much.

If you feel the need to bathe in perfume or cologne, perhaps a few extra minutes in the shower would be a better solution. Or maybe it’s time to switch soap brands.

A lady arrived late and squeezed into the same row as my wife and me, along with several of her friends. How all of them managed to find seats together remains a mystery.

Thankfully, there was one empty seat between us.

Unfortunately, her perfume was strong enough that the empty seat only reduced the impact by about ten percent.

I was still getting ninety percent of the experience.

Distraction #3: Parenting Skills

When I was growing up, we didn’t have Children’s Church. We sat with our parents in the “big church.”

We were expected to sit quietly, pay attention, and behave ourselves. If we didn’t, there would be consequences when we got home.

Believe me, we were as quiet as church mice because we knew exactly what awaited us if we embarrassed our parents.

Kids today seem to have a different arrangement.

Our church has theater-style seating instead of traditional pews. They’re comfortable, modern, and a lot easier on the back.

Unfortunately, they also make excellent drums.

A family sat behind us with a little girl who, for whatever reason, wasn’t in Children’s Church with the other kids her age. Her parents had given her something to keep her occupied, probably a coloring book.

Every so often, I could hear her mother telling her what color to use.

But coloring wasn’t the only activity taking place.

The little girl apparently decided that the back of my chair was part of the entertainment package.

Throughout the service, she repeatedly punched, kicked, bumped, or otherwise made contact with my seat.

Normally, this would just be annoying.

However, with the back problems I’ve been dealing with lately, every thump felt like a personal attack from a very small boxer.

Had that been me as a child, one look from either of my parents would have ended the behavior immediately.

If it continued, I would have found myself outside receiving a lesson in proper church etiquette.

I suspect most people my age know exactly what that means.

The Great Sunday Traffic Jam

Now the service is over.

Surely everyone wants to go home, eat lunch, and beat the Baptist crowd to the restaurant.

Apparently not.

Every Sunday without fail, people stop directly in the middle of the aisle to carry on conversations while everyone else is trying to leave.

My wife and I often find ourselves standing there waiting for people to realize they have created a human roadblock.

If you see someone you haven’t talked to in a while, that’s great. Say hello.

But maybe step to the side first.

The same thing happens once you get outside.

People stop right in the middle of the sidewalk and carry on conversations while everyone else has to maneuver around them like they’re driving through a construction zone.

I’ve threatened to make comments such as, “Move along,” or “If you’re going to talk, pull over to the shoulder.”

My wife has strongly encouraged me not to.

Apparently, though, I’m not alone.

Last week, I overheard a lady say, “Move along. Don’t stop to talk.”

It didn’t work.

But I bet she felt better afterward.

Stepping Off the Soap Box

Well, that’s enough complaining for one day.

Despite everything I’ve written, I truly love my church. The people are wonderful, the ministries are amazing, and the impact this church has on the community is incredible.

No church is perfect because no group of people is perfect. If it was perfect, it no longer is because I’m going there. After all, I’m not perfect.

These are simply a few observations from someone sitting in the congregation who occasionally gets distracted.

You don’t have to agree with me.

You don’t have to disagree with me.

Right or wrong, it’s my blog and my opinion.

I know nothing will change because I wrote any of this down, but sometimes it feels good just to vent.

Thanks for listening while I stood on my soapbox for a few minutes.